Fragile words

So we grew up together, like a double cherry, seeming parted, but yet a union in partition; two lovely berries molded on one stem. 

— William Shakespeare. A Midsummer Night's Dream

Yes I believe we can never have the best of both worlds. I think this quote was taught to me a really long time ago. This entry was probably dedicated to my second best friend. 

Sometimes we think we have the best chemistry in the whole wide world, or that it was just you accommodating my pace, and the way I live my life. For a long period of time, I've noticed your irregular speed at life. I've noticed you running behind me, and chasing after my shadows. At some point I stopped, and you went so far ahead that I couldn't see you anymore so I'd have to rest up and finally walk slowly to join you. I didn't fret, it wasn't in my nature to fret. If I do, I would probably be really uncomfortable and I hate being uncomfortable. I don't think you know that. Neither did I think you realized how competitive you can get. 

Sometimes I adore your words, and most of the time I simply loathe them. I don't think you know what you are talking about or that you are trying too hard to be well-versed. If there was ever something you want me to know I wish you could just put it into words you and I and even a swine could understand. You don't have to try to be poetic in front of me, because I like the churlish person you are, the boorish words you sometimes used. It never made me comfortable consider the times we are living in right now. But I just don't see the importance of it at all in your matter of language or etiquette, therefore I don't think you should rush it at all. I think you can entirely yourself, the funny and crazy you that I use to keep laughing at. Now you're just getting depressing to be with, and I don't like you that much anymore. It riles me up so easily and I dislike it too. 

Most of the time, we enjoyed each other's silence even though we are right next to each other. I don't know since when this has been getting a wee bit uncomfortable. It's not like I want you to say something, I just want to be honest to you about how I feel about you now. But I don't think at that time it was something appropriate to say. I want you to draw, I want to see what you're thinking about. I've always liked that. Seeing people's drawings is even more entertaining than a comic book. I don't think you know that either. I hope you watched Julia pott's Howard. Maybe, maybe then you'll realize how it look like on the two of us. Not that we were in any relationship, but the idea is quite similar. 

We're constantly riding on that line of not being sure what this friendship is like, how it look like, and the appearance of it perceived by other people. People can think what they want, you know. As long as we are clear about it and it should not be a problem at all. Strange, why do you keep expecting things out of me, impossible things? I thought we could grow together, whether or not we would grow into each other should be something for the future to tell, isn't it? 

Something's changed. You are constantly answering me with an attitude, or with nonchalance. I wanted to know what I did to deserve all that? I don't think I have been a bad friend to you. I dedicated my time to you and try my best to be there for you. When you share with me your woes, I realized you never actually share them with an intention of wanting it to be solved with the help of another person's point of view. I say helpful stuffs, but you aren't having any of that. So why do you want me to be around? Isn't being constructive and objective something a friend should do? I don't think you know what you want at all. You are confusing yourself, wanting things that you may not need, and believing you don't need the things that would actually help. You are confusing yourself, and making your life difficult to be live in. Yourself, and for others. 

Today I have to say goodbye. I think I have heard enough from you. Your point of views, and I don't know what to make of it. I just knew that it's all a jumbled pile of mess that accumulated itself conveniently for the past 2 years. I can't believe what I read, but on the other hand I guess it was no surprise at all. People come and go, and it's just one of those times again. I've lived through it before, and I can't say I didn't try to convince people that leaving was not really a reasonable option. I believe there is always a solution to whatever complications between two person, and it can be resolved. There must be a mutual understanding, and a mutual agreement. If you aren't going to allow any sort of possibility even if you don't end up getting what you want, I believe there can still be compromising. It's just funny when you get all depressed when you end up don't get what you want and what you need. Neither am I you know, I never know what it is that I really need. If I knew, I probably wouldn't be drifting around like you. 

You ought to see that, and let it be. Only time would resolve things like this. But this time, I need to go, I need to leave and I'm sorry this isn't working out at all. You aren't taking no for an answer. You want to put up a front, so be it. I can't stick around and allow all these to actually put me to a halt while you go sort out your own thoughts. 

I'm sorry, but goodbye is all I can offer. This was a really fragile word, and it was not easy to be said too. But I guess it was already a word this friendship could only end with. 

凜.りん
--君に逢いたくて 誰よりも逢いたくて

Cuts like a knife

Working as an admin executive aren't exactly my forte, it's tough, and I have made several mistakes which I cannot undo. I don't expect my superiors/directors to forgive me or to place a hand on my shoulder saying "It is okay, don't make the same mistake next time.." I really don't. The truth is, I have no idea why I am putting myself through the unimaginable, considering the fact that I have to face him as I work, and have him scrutinize while I work. It can be so damaging if I make a mistake, or flattering if I do a fair job.

Everything is going away very quickly. No matter how many dams I built or going to build to stop the damn current from washing away everything we have/had, it's still going quickly. For one, I was sad, for two, I don't expect him to give a damn about how I feel, for three, I have to whatever it takes to protect my heart before it is too late, for four, I may never forgive him for saying those harsh words to me. Suck it up, swallow it in, and live another day like an android.

So the more I am in that situation, the deeper the wound is. It is not healing no matter what we do. He is still tore further apart, and I am too, torn and broken. Where do we go from here? I am beyond poisoned.

I trust him, too much to get hurt so deeply. Taking everything away would leave me void and empty, it will be unfair.. But I am just wishing for that gentleness again, it was long gone he did not even notice it.

He won't care if I am hurt by his words. Suck it up, Rin, suck it up. Who do you expect to hold you if you are going to cry? Love runs too deep and cuts like a knife.

Monday, 30th of November 2009

My Two Lovely Bitches



I think it's time to rename my little beauty, it's so hard to spell her name. Alright, shall call her Emma. :) Sounds like a woman to me. Gorgeous! Dear Emma is going into labor soon, and I can't help pacing up and down just to check if the babies are out yet. She's really putting me on the live wire.

Dear nunu sounds like the Nunu from Cheri. She escaped from her cage today and I couldn't find her until evening. She snatched the biscuit I used to lure her out, what a mischievous child.

But I love them all the same. Similarly I realized I haven't taken any photos of Seimei in his adulthood at all! I shall, then! I wish Sis, bro and I are able to open a pet shop one day. We're all so good in animals, what a joke. Bro can do aquarium/marine consultation, Sis can do fluffy pets consultation, and I can do exotic pets consultation! There, you can get everything you need. Words of advice, words of advice babeh!

Infuriating

Pet Society
Facebook Application

Ever wonder what more infuriating it can get?
Playing facebook application games. I am bored,
that's why! The jobs I've applied for never call back,
I'm so sick and tired of asking why.

Perhaps I am not good enough for them? That is, they
are blind. They think they know me by the lack of papers
I have backing me up. That's shallow. Screw them,
anyway. I don't allow such judgmental people with
absolutely zero ability to recognize art when they see one.

Why? I need a drawing to show you I am worth employing?
I can do so much better than this.

So, I am playing facebook games.
This Pet society is just one of them.
I am so lifeless (FOR NOW ONLY!)

I will be back!

FASHION FOREWORD

FASHION FOREWORD
September 16, 2008

What's up, people?! So, the PTB at Mode (that's the "powers that be" for us insiders) wanted someone to write a blog about all things fashion and all things fabulous. And who did they turn to to write it? That's right. Me. Amanda Tanen Sommers, daughter of fashion legend, Fey Sommers. Some of the more jealous types around here (i.e. fatties) are telling themselves I was given the blog because, as the receptionist, I have no actual responsibilities and plenty of time to write. Bitterness is so not sexy. The truth is, it's because as the receptionist I am THE face of Mode. I am the first person people see when they come in. You can't just put any random chick in that chair. I mean, do you know what would happen if Dolce or Gabbana walked in and saw some girl with glasses and braces eating a chalupa? Disaster. Not that I'm talking about anyone in particular. It's totally hypothermical.

In case you've been living under a rock and don't know who I am, what with my reality show, gossip page appearances, and an underrated theme restaurant welcome video, you might have checked me out in the September issue of Elle magazine. My besty Marc (the limp-wristed right hand of Wilhelmina Slater) and I were featured in a photo shoot. I was definitely probably supposed to be on the cover but I'm sure the fact that I work for Mode got in the way. Why Marc and me, you ask? Is it because their assistants aren't as pretty as me? Of course they're not, but that's not the reason. It's because we beat them in the Mode vs. Elle softball game. We totally kicked their butt. I mean, I didn't play, but as head cheerleader I provided the inspiration. By the way, I think Elle's Editor-in-Chief Robbie Myers has a thing for me. (Call me. I'd so go Katy Perry for you.). The best thing about that game was when Betty, an assistant here, got knocked in the head with a softball. Classic. I love it when she gets hit with something, or runs into walls, or falls down, or when she eats her chalupas. It brings Marc and me so much joy.

Which reminds me. I have to get something off my coveted chest. I saw at Fashion Week that Marc Jacobs and Catherine Holstein's designs were inspired by Betty's "style." Um... hello? You choose an assistant at Mode as your muse and you choose her over me? Big mistake, people! Although I do kind of understand why they didn't choose me. My prettiness is just too hard for people to live up to. And the last thing I want to do is make people feel bad about themselves. Okay, that's not true. I love making people feel bad about themselves. But only when they deserve it. Like when someone doesn't hold the elevator door for me. Or their outfit clashes. Or when you're at a swanky party and you want to talk to Shia LaBeouf but Mary-Kate won't shut her yapper for like two seconds!

But I digest. I haven't even given you my opinions on all the crazy things in the news these days, which I'm sure you're dying to know. I'm glad Britney didn't have another meltdown at the VMA's. That dramedy has gone on too long. Not to mention, taken attention away from me. The paparazzi barely follow me anymore. Marc had to make his boyfriend Cliff take a picture of me sunbathing nude on my roof just to make me feel better. He's such a good friend. If I could, I would totally gay marry him.

And then there's this whole election thing. From what Marc tells me about what he heard on Jimmy Kimmel, a lot of people don't think Tina Fey is qualified to be Vice President because she's pretty. Well, as a pretty person, I find that hottist. Just because someone is hot, doesn't mean they can't do the job. I mean, you've seen the uggos who are in charge now. How's that working out? Maybe a hot president and vice president would be better? Maybe countries will be nicer and try to get in good with us, like when guys buy me drinks. Maybe people won't want to blow us up because we're too good looking. So in conjunction, I say "shame" on all the hottists out there. I call on everyone reading this blog, which must be like 80 million people, to rise up, join together, and vote for who you think is the smokin'est!

That's all for today, kids. I've got to get back to my day job. All these phones ringing and no one answering them is giving me a headache. Until next time, c u l8r.

Amanda Tanen Sommers

Changing Fashion To Cope With Change

ModeNY.com

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Changing Fashion To Cope With Change
November, 20 2009

What a difference a day makes. It's been a week since I pulled what some deem the fashion equivalent to Sarah Palin's resignation with my decision to "suddenly" leave Mode. While there was nothing sudden about it to me and all those close to me ("all those" being my assistant, Marc), it wasn't because I felt like self-righteously issuing fashion edicts to the world from a Facebook account. I did it because, as I said in my press conference, I wanted to explore other options. Now it bears mentioning that, the day after my announcement -- in a completely unrelated coincidence -- the world learned of the death of former Meade CFO and international fugitive Connor Owens, a man to whom I was briefly romantically linked.

Since these events, I admit to feeling conflicted about leaving Mode. Make no mistake; it has nothing to do with the death of Connor Owens -- absolutely nothing at all. However, both matters each entail the sudden closing of a door to a relationship for me. My life is undergoing major transformations, and I've found an unlikely island of comfort amidst this sea of uncertainty, one that has come, surprisingly, through a different sort of change... in my own personal fashion. Namely, my newfound love of comfort-wear.

Yes, I'm aware heels are the lynch pin of below-the-knees style, but seriously, have you worn clogs recently? It's nice wearing shoes that don't butcher your heels, cause toe cramps, and warp your feet into Bunion City Central. And don't get me started on Juicy velour tracksuits -- it's all the warmth of fur with none of the annoying animal rights activists to throw blood on you. As for undergarments, I've found silk boxers provide the loose, non-intrusive feeling of "going commando" without the unhygienic reality. One must wonder what women were thinking when we embraced the thong as the official underwear of the female nation; honestly, ladies -- do we really want perpetual "wedgies" as our natural state?

My point is, when matters make discomfort for the spirit, make comfort for the body. As the ground shifts beneath you, you'll find it easier to stand in gardening clogs than in the tallest stiletto, and that it's better to weather the winds of change in a cozy sweatshirt than in the sexiest halter. After all, when the core of your being is what hurts the most, healing should start from the outside in.

Wilhelmina Slater

Monday, 16th of November 2009