Cuts like a knife

Working as an admin executive aren't exactly my forte, it's tough, and I have made several mistakes which I cannot undo. I don't expect my superiors/directors to forgive me or to place a hand on my shoulder saying "It is okay, don't make the same mistake next time.." I really don't. The truth is, I have no idea why I am putting myself through the unimaginable, considering the fact that I have to face him as I work, and have him scrutinize while I work. It can be so damaging if I make a mistake, or flattering if I do a fair job.

Everything is going away very quickly. No matter how many dams I built or going to build to stop the damn current from washing away everything we have/had, it's still going quickly. For one, I was sad, for two, I don't expect him to give a damn about how I feel, for three, I have to whatever it takes to protect my heart before it is too late, for four, I may never forgive him for saying those harsh words to me. Suck it up, swallow it in, and live another day like an android.

So the more I am in that situation, the deeper the wound is. It is not healing no matter what we do. He is still tore further apart, and I am too, torn and broken. Where do we go from here? I am beyond poisoned.

I trust him, too much to get hurt so deeply. Taking everything away would leave me void and empty, it will be unfair.. But I am just wishing for that gentleness again, it was long gone he did not even notice it.

He won't care if I am hurt by his words. Suck it up, Rin, suck it up. Who do you expect to hold you if you are going to cry? Love runs too deep and cuts like a knife.